June 21st, ano dos
Meandering thoughts from community to the necessity of soul-mates.
6/21/21
The Gift of Other
If the pandemic taught humankind one thing, in my estimation, it was that humans are a social creature. For all our striving to have life delivered to our table as we ordered it from the kitchen, that is to say to our personal uncompromised desires, the pandemic is showing us the cost of this "special order" is not cheap. Research and technology advancements now allows providers of goods and services to customize their wares to smaller and smaller lot runs, with many suppliers now being able to provide each unit produced custom designed to a single customer's desires. The result of this is not that each of us gets exactly what each of us wants, but that by each of us in getting exactly what we want, we end up living in an isolating bubble.
While that may not come as a surprise to you, it was a big shock to me. I thrive on privacy. Holding you and the world at arms length kept my world as I wanted it. If you had something to say to me, send me an email, or a text and I'll get back with you eventually. Now I did that consciously and for seemingly good reasons not relevant to this post, but much of population drifted into isolation-mode unconsciously, all the while exhibiting growing signs of unhealth - road rage, mass shootings, murder-suicide, divorce, drug dependency, hooking up, fad spirituality, 24/7 shopping, cynicism, nihilism.
The basic truth is-- We need people in our lives. We are not complete without the presence of others in our lives. I know, all you extroverts out there are shaking your heads thinking, "Well that dumb a__ introvert finally figured it out". But it's not as you think, we can go through live awash in friends, shared activities, lively interchange, and still be in the words of the maitre d, "a party of one".
If we are missing a hand or a leg or eye, we are not complete, despite seeming to live an acceptably near-normal life otherwise. In fact we may strongly protest we are "damaged goods", that we are incomplete. We may, with great confidence say, "I can't miss what I never remember having, I get along quite well without it, I'm fine just the way I am". But are we?
Just as new life cannot come forward until there is an exchange of chromosomes, it is my belief that we are not fully human, that we cannot reach our full potential as a species until such time as we, individually, share or exchange a portion of the contents of our heart. That is not say we should share portions our true self with any and all, like a tree releasing it's pollen to the whims of the wind. but more in line with the concept of "...and two, shall become one". Each fulfilling the role of soul-mate to and in the Other.
Ideally this role, is found in marriage. I stress the word, ideally. Marriage is very rarely desired and partaken of for the right reasons today, nor was it ever in the past. In fact it is my thought that even thinking of marriage in terms of economics, security, propagation of the species, is to completely miss what true marriage is. "And two shall become one" is deeper than the Mariana Trench and just as inaccessible without a multi-generational effort dedicated to preparation. This union is so rare that I think the vast majority of us go through our entire lives never even witnessing it played out. Because of this we debunk it as myth, of an unreachable goal, as (in polite terms) "wishful thinking".
For either or both partners in a marriage fail to fulfill the role of soul-mate in their union does not let us just write out the necessity of that role from the script of life. To do so is to resign oneself to living out a life short of what is needful. The need for a soulmate never disappears, never. So we, failing at the ideal, look outside the bounds of marriage for it...and while not ideal, ain't all bad. (maybe more later)
bobb
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