Lift Off! 7/11/2 In Search of What?

 

Lift Off!

July 11th Ano 2

In search of...what?

Greetings Fellow Human!  I am not sure how you found your way to this blog, whether it be by divine intervention, pure chance, or by an algorithm neither of us understand.  Although you will see a number of previous posts, and may find a few worth reading, I think this post shall be what I consider my blast-off post, the earlier ones being trial runs, exploratory ventures, tentative attempts at self-expression or what-have-you.

I’m not sure I can tell you what this blog is, or will be about, or what subjects will be commented on.  It was in a discussion with my media savvy daughter, where I stated my dissatisfaction using FB as a platform for having meaningful conversation on any subject of consequence but I knew of no alternative, so I felt stuck.  My daughter is very, very smart, she has a pretty good handle on all my idiocracies and she suggested I start a blog and post some of my writings and then just see what happens.  Completely frustrated with FB and dismayed at the level civil discussion had sunk to with the 2020 election, I agreed to give it a shot.  With my daughter’s guidance, this blog came into existence.

For the better part of my life I have been a person who highly valued his privacy, who thought differently than most people, who held the world at arms length and was entirely comfortable at fulfiling the role of Observer and not getting involved in anything in a public way.  To give you a sense of how deep my detachment went, we were probably 8-9 months into the pandemic before I noticed any significant impact on my life.

So why does someone who is intensely private, who finds most conversation just mindless prattle (including his own), whose life history of not engaging in discussion, suddenly shows up in the town square  with his 99 thesis’s in hand and asks to be heard?  I have struggled to answer that myself and have come to the conclusion; as number of issues in my life came together, or had played out in such a manner that I no longer felt content to hole up in my hermitage and let the world pass my by, that I would re engage with humanity and start contributing to the conversations that swirled around me.

I come into this role of blogger carrying a lot of baggage, much of it I am unaware it exists, or how it colors my thoughts, my conclusions, my worldview.  For a long time that idea stopped me from speaking out.  What was to be gained by adding one more off-key voice to the din of conversations going on about me?  Another voice in my head warned me I didn’t really know enough about anything to be posting stuff that might mislead people in search of answers to their journey’s  challenges.  Another voice reminded me of the danger of time-suck not leaving an opportunity for attending to other aspects of my life that are necessary for the growth and vitality of a physical body and a healthy, hungry spirit. Still another voice suggested my true motive was to feed a very narcissistic ego hidden in the shadows.

Having said all that, I still feel compelled to speak out, to add my two cents to the conversations.  The reasons I feel that way;  I’m 68 years old, I have witnessed or experienced a lot of what life can put on our platter.  I am acutely aware more of my life can be seen in the rear view mirror than through the windshield.  I have made some very big mistakes in my life that crippled my growth both intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally.  In January of 2012, I had my first visit to a neurologist and not too long after I was diagnosed as “having Parkinson’s Disease”.  I have experienced “chronic early childhood trauma” and all the wiley ways it screws with you until you deal with it.  I have considered suicide, and diviorce and chose neither.  I have watched our three kids hoist anchor and sail into lives of their own direction.  I have observed lives spent sailing in circles around an anchor never lifted, I have begged on hands and knees, for God to just make his presence felt in my heart, nothing more, just let me know he was there, a mere clearing of the throat would suffice...I have learned to see and consider all things through the lens of deep time give issues a whole ‘nother perspective.

Lastly a comment on “Musing from Deeptime”.  I like the word “musing”.  I think of what your mind is doing as it considers the world, is not that different than what goes on inside you as you stare down at 10,000 puzzle pieces scattered on the card table from a box with no picture.

bobb