Sunday Meditation 12/24/23 -Addendum-v2

 Sunday Meditation -Addendum-v2


Typical Extended Family

Sunday’s (12/24/23) Meditation was about using the beginning of the new year as an opportunity to become a “better person”.  I think that it is an honorable goal that can be (and should be) pursued regardless of color, sex, or creed, rich or poor.  I posited that one of the better ways to do this was to look at family line history, looking at repeating behaviors, such as run-ins with the law, alcoholism, domestic violence, failed marriages.  When you find these types of events popping up generation after generation after generation in the family line, one has to ask; Is the family passing down the culture which in fact encourages these types of negative behaviors from one generation to the next?  I stated that these negative behaviors are not uncommon, but uncomfortable to talk about, and have historically been swept under the rug and either expunged from family oral history or glorified, thereby making each generation's failure appear as a one-off event, whereas in truth, this is an ongoing problem for the family as well as the individual.  

It is when we see these issues for what they are, that is, the product of allowing (and in some cases actually encouraging)the family culture to accept as normal, these negative beliefs and actions, it is only then that you can go about eradicating them by educating yourself (here’s the new year’s resolution) on the cause of, and the therapy for changing the family's culture to no longer foster these negative actions.  In other words, your new year’s resolution goes from, “The next time Tommy comes home from school written up for bad behavior I’m going to ground him until he’s 21!” (Repeating the past and expecting a different outcome.)  To something more like this, “Being disrespectful of authority figures runs in my family. In fact it goes back generations.  His father (me) and grandfather  and great grandfather all took pride in being disruptive in class, it's a wonder Tommy isn’t worse than he already is. No, this time we’re going to tackle this differently.  I don’t know why this whole family takes pride in rubbing people in charge the wrong way, but we sure seem to enjoy it.” “So for the new year, by January 15th,  I am making a resolution to make an appointment  with our minister, Tommy’s guidance counselor, his  coach, and get their input on what as a family needs changing here at home, and then  go from there”.

This of course needs follow through, but it is wonderfully open ended resolution, nothing seems out-of-bounds, it scapegoats no one.  It just needs to be kept on the front burner. If tremor permits, I have some additional thoughts on “bettering ourselves”, why it's so good, but hard to pull off, the courage it takes, the pain it can cause, and the reward if you succeed.

bobb

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